Forever yours ..

I'm seriously happier than a little kid at a Candy Store! God has officially answered my prayers! I am his, and he is now mine. I seriously just fell in love again. We will forever celebrate and recognize 5/14/09 but now its time to embark 9/29/13. Our fresh beginning, new journey, new us. We've grown up together, struggled together, cried together, hated together, laughed together, and now its time for the new step. Let the happiness begin, I'm happy and awed! I'm madly in love with you amor.


5/14/09 + 9/29/13 = Forever

Will you still love me? ...

I'm that kind of girl who wants her cake done her way and she'll eat it too. Right now we're at the stage of adjusting and accepting and I'm so eager to be accepted flawed and all and just want it all to be official. What's the wait? I know the reason, but just the thought of it kills me.
I mean, am I wrong for finally wanting to tell the world how I feel? Finally feel free to express my emotions and flaunt my future promise ring? I can't wait for the day I show off my "promise ring". I want to show the world I'm his only and he's mine. Words can't express how deeply in love I am. I love this guy, and I know for certain I will never love anyone like I love him & I know deep down he feels the same with me. I'm his princess!

5/14/09

Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-love-25-awesome-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2g3FdyACk

Not giving up

My head is throbbing, my body aches and if you let me sleep alone in the dark all day I would've taken you up on that offer. Above all, I think I've managed to deal with today. I'm still eating, did my exercise and now I'm going to watch a movie with him. It's times like these that make me thankful to have him by my side.

Thank you 

"It's not you, It's me."

Sometimes I wonder am I living in a blessing or is God taking this moment in my life to be a big lesson? My question to Him would have to be why? Why would he let it be this long? Why now? Why me.
As I match the puzzle pieces together it starts to have reasoning. Four years ago, if you told me that today my father wouldn't be an alcoholic and my misery finally went free, I wouldn't believe it.
Pain and struggle I feel like I've adjusted to it throughout the years so this is all new to me. Feels good, to be honest. On the other hand, I'm scared to loose the person that helped me make it through it all. My right hand, my best friend.
For so long I was told "All Men Are Dogs", and sadly I felt like that statement was so true. Thankfully I was proven wrong. Call me crazy, but I think in life all you need is that one friend. That one person to be there through thick and thin, your partner. For some reason I felt like I had mine. Turns out it's just a one woman show .. It hurts. I hate to regret, but lately I just wish I never met this person. If this is how I was going to end up feeling I wish I would've walked away in time to not grow feelings. At this point, I just don't know what to feel anymore. I'm scared to feel; I'd bend my back for him ... and now I just feel my soul feeling so empty inside. Almost like walking into a cold cemetery at night.

Having high hopes ... man sometimes I wish God made me heartless. I'm not happy anymore. My smile feels so faked, my laughs aren't sincere and I'm so confused. I wish I had fucking answers.
God, please. I beg you, please take this pain away from my heart.

My dream is to wake up one day and just have him love me the way I love him. I want that ring, that commitment. I want to be his. I want so many things and my dreams are to be with him. But I'm not his dream. I'm just not good enough. As much as it hurts to swallow and accept the truth I just hope that God takes my pain away and just makes sure I don't wake up tomorrow. I pray and I pray. I have no purpose anymore. I am not wanted. I just want to go. Let him start a new life and to make sure I don't ruin it, I want to die because I am already dead inside.

Time

Have you ever wondered why from a certain period of your lifetime till now things have changed drastically? Why is that when you go through a rough time, the pain you went through before doesn't seem to compare. Is it because as you grow reality hits the fan; or is it being depressed and feeling anxious normal to our society in our world today.

Maybe, just maybe ... time can soothe the pain, but it could also eat you alive.
Leaving you feeling lost, sometimes hopeless.
Which leaves us with faith. We can choose to fight the battle ourselves, or ask for guidance .. from Him.

"I've got a War in my mind, so I just ride" - Lana Del Rey