Your love is my drug!

Cliche much? Eh, could you blame me? For the first time in a long time I feel SO GOOD! I'm talking mentally and emotionally; mentally for always praising and praying for God to keep me sane and emotionally because of my babe. 

Today I got to meet his mother and sister and his little cousin through webcam and it made me feel super happy and complete. Almost like when you meet the family for the first time at the family dinner, except we live thousands of miles away so its a quick "Hi & Bye". It wasn't something like you see in movies but it was the best I could ever ask for. His mother is so nice and pretty and his sister is like a latina "Tyra Banks"! Not kidding btw! Ugh, I feel so bad for always posting when he makes me sad or upset but it's how I feel and this is how I vent without torturing him ... I tend to never shut up so this is me doing him a favor.

I still love him unconditionally though, he's my baby duh! I just get frustrated ....

If you ever read this babe, I know your not perfect because nobody is .. and I know we all make mistakes even myself. Just know that its the simplest things that make me feel so happy and so appreciated, that's all I ever wanted and you learning how to show me those things really make me smile. I'm a softy, and I'm also sensitive so I'm sorry for always giving you a hard time, just know that I love you very much and I can't wait to see you <3

Thank God for YouTube!

It may be just me ... but the simplest words or expressions just tend to catch my attention and just gets me to question and think to myself like .. "damn, really?" .. that's how he feels?
I'm not going to lie but ever since .. it's like his whole persona has changed. Yeah, he loves me. As I'm told by him, and I do see but there a things he used to do without a problem that nowadays it's a struggle .. same as to other things as well.
It bothers me because as much as he tells me he loves me and says the sweetest things its like I wouldn't depend on my future with it. There's not a day he won't tell me he loves me but here I am questioning him about our wedding, our future family, and our overall future. It's like I keep reassuring .. "babe, we're gonna get married right?" ....
Till this day I'm still scared to lose him and when words like "prenup" come up out of no where it just has me questioning like full circle .. earthquake wtf shift. Where in the hell did that come from and why the hell is that in your head, and why the hell would you think of something like that? As much as I respect a prenup and to prove I could care less about any money he seems to have now or 10 years ahead, I just think it's hurtful to throw that jokingly.
Maybe I'm just alittle bit sensitive as always right now but to all the men that read my blog. When your dating a girl DO NOT say & do things to her that you will eventually stop doing because she WILL notice and start question and or take offense to it.
God Bless the creator of YouTube, I'll be watching some diy's & tutorials to clear my mind.

Prenup .... are you serious?!?!
Honey we have the same 24 hours in a day, anything you make I can make myself if not better.
Wording is key, so watch it.

Not a Happy Thanksgiving ..

So Thanksgiving is almost over in a couple of minutes and can you believe I've been away from my family most of my afternoon and in my room the whole night waiting to watch a "movie" just because I wanted us to spend a few hours together on this family gathering holiday ...

In total I've watched XFactor which I never tuned into the season but since I was left with nothing to do I decided to watch that, then my boredom drifted to my computer and watching random YouTube video's till this very moment. Still ... no movie. To be honest I wasn't even in a movie mood to begin with because today just is not my day but because it IS thanksgiving day I wanted to do something with my boyfriend since my sister spent the whole day with her fiance I thought to myself, "Hey, let me watch a movie with my babe".
Apparently there was no service .... but you got my angry text and responded to it .... right.

Why am I so uptight about this? I know he's not cheating, at least I hope. My thing is .. this was the EXACT reason I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. It is my biggest pet peeve when shit like this happens. It makes me feel like I'm the rebound the your boredom, ON TOP OF THAT his mother has yet to know anything about me .. I'm over here bending my back trying to see how I can get a way into his sisters heart also with his mother ... Is it too much wanting to have a relationship with his family? It's just 2 people and it seems like the whole world. In a way this lagging of him trying to get this done just makes things worse in my position and it just makes me feel like there's something about me he want's to hide from them? I've spoken about this before and I just can't seem to comprehend the difficulty in this. If anything I'm the one who should feel embarrassed and guilty and ashamed and sorry and everything in the book but this wait is draining my confidence everyday longer it takes.

My love is so invested in him and only him that it hurts my heart so bad just thinking of him hurting me.

Ugh, this is by far the worst Thanksgiving ever.

For some reason somethings telling me this isn't going to work ... :'(

Well, I have work tomorrow ... sleeping by myself tonight. Goodnight!

Hormones Overload

Okay so ENOUGH with all my emotional girl gone crazy posts! I'm just so freaking emotional and so tired and so sick and so DONE!
Let's go back into reality and realize that life goes on and I won't always have bad days.
On another note, I'm makeup deprived and I just need a spa day to myself. Nothing makes a girl more happier than feeling beautiful, at least for me. I love having my nails done, my hair done, my eyebrows well groomed and just feeling like a Queen!

Wait .......

Good feeling gone, I'm hungry .. and I want ice cream.

In real life, I have work tomorrow ..

Goodnight luvs! Muah xoxo

Princess to Trash

Must I say more? ..

In-laws

On a roll tonight with another question that's been on my mind for so long and I can't seem to shake it off. Although we've talked about it before and I have mentioned it to him many times I feel like I was sugar coated a Popsicle stick from Charlie's Chocolate Factory and my instincts just don't seem to buy it.
My question is ..

"Do you think your sister and mom will really like me?"

The answer I always seem to get is yes they will ... they're certain types of people and "blah blah blah" and your marrying me, not them. That statement right there tells me the mother has no other option than to deal with me since you have feelings for me but other than that she must really think I'm a phony bitch and just doesn't like me. Now on the sisters other half .. I just feel like whatever grain of connection I had with her is all gone. Now I'm left with nothing ..
Why does this bother me? Because I want that relationship with the most important people in your lives .. When I marry you, I marry them too. I haven't met both of them, only one of them know about me so far and I just don't feel accepted at all. Meanwhile my whole family is on board and love him.

Why me? ...

In a relationship with "ghost boyfriend".

Why does something so simple have to be so difficult? Sometimes I take a guess and blame it on my past but must he really just react that way for something that's important to me? I don't know whether to be pissed off or just let it go like he says ...
I don't care if he doesn't follow me on instagram or twitter or tumblr or whatever really .. but facebook? What couple doesn't have each other on facebook? Like I take that as the biggest sign of something being wrong. I don't know exactly what it is .. but him just being 100% truthfully honest just keeps making me more doubtful and makes me more sad.
Like I just don't know how to honestly feel about it anymore ...

Don't mistake my blog post as throwing shade towards him.

This blog was created to express my inner thoughts where I wish to tell someone other than him and I literally have no one to talk to. Just me, myself, and I. Sometimes keeping all my thoughts in my head tend to eat me alive.
In the end apparently I'm in a relationship by myself on facebook and the boyfriend whom I so happy talk about on my page is a ghost and will forever be a ghost because he refuses to add me as a friend because he never goes on his page. Fucking perfect.