So Thanksgiving is almost over in a couple of minutes and can you believe I've been away from my family most of my afternoon and in my room the whole night waiting to watch a "movie" just because I wanted us to spend a few hours together on this family gathering holiday ...
In total I've watched XFactor which I never tuned into the season but since I was left with nothing to do I decided to watch that, then my boredom drifted to my computer and watching random YouTube video's till this very moment. Still ... no movie. To be honest I wasn't even in a movie mood to begin with because today just is not my day but because it IS thanksgiving day I wanted to do something with my boyfriend since my sister spent the whole day with her fiance I thought to myself, "Hey, let me watch a movie with my babe".
Apparently there was no service .... but you got my angry text and responded to it .... right.
Why am I so uptight about this? I know he's not cheating, at least I hope. My thing is .. this was the EXACT reason I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. It is my biggest pet peeve when shit like this happens. It makes me feel like I'm the rebound the your boredom, ON TOP OF THAT his mother has yet to know anything about me .. I'm over here bending my back trying to see how I can get a way into his sisters heart also with his mother ... Is it too much wanting to have a relationship with his family? It's just 2 people and it seems like the whole world. In a way this lagging of him trying to get this done just makes things worse in my position and it just makes me feel like there's something about me he want's to hide from them? I've spoken about this before and I just can't seem to comprehend the difficulty in this. If anything I'm the one who should feel embarrassed and guilty and ashamed and sorry and everything in the book but this wait is draining my confidence everyday longer it takes.
My love is so invested in him and only him that it hurts my heart so bad just thinking of him hurting me.
Ugh, this is by far the worst Thanksgiving ever.
For some reason somethings telling me this isn't going to work ... :'(
Well, I have work tomorrow ... sleeping by myself tonight. Goodnight!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Hormones Overload
Okay so ENOUGH with all my emotional girl gone crazy posts! I'm just so freaking emotional and so tired and so sick and so DONE!
Let's go back into reality and realize that life goes on and I won't always have bad days.
On another note, I'm makeup deprived and I just need a spa day to myself. Nothing makes a girl more happier than feeling beautiful, at least for me. I love having my nails done, my hair done, my eyebrows well groomed and just feeling like a Queen!
Wait .......
Good feeling gone, I'm hungry .. and I want ice cream.
In real life, I have work tomorrow ..
Goodnight luvs! Muah xoxo
Let's go back into reality and realize that life goes on and I won't always have bad days.
On another note, I'm makeup deprived and I just need a spa day to myself. Nothing makes a girl more happier than feeling beautiful, at least for me. I love having my nails done, my hair done, my eyebrows well groomed and just feeling like a Queen!
Wait .......
Good feeling gone, I'm hungry .. and I want ice cream.
In real life, I have work tomorrow ..
Goodnight luvs! Muah xoxo
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
In-laws
On a roll tonight with another question that's been on my mind for so long and I can't seem to shake it off. Although we've talked about it before and I have mentioned it to him many times I feel like I was sugar coated a Popsicle stick from Charlie's Chocolate Factory and my instincts just don't seem to buy it.
My question is ..
"Do you think your sister and mom will really like me?"
The answer I always seem to get is yes they will ... they're certain types of people and "blah blah blah" and your marrying me, not them. That statement right there tells me the mother has no other option than to deal with me since you have feelings for me but other than that she must really think I'm a phony bitch and just doesn't like me. Now on the sisters other half .. I just feel like whatever grain of connection I had with her is all gone. Now I'm left with nothing ..
Why does this bother me? Because I want that relationship with the most important people in your lives .. When I marry you, I marry them too. I haven't met both of them, only one of them know about me so far and I just don't feel accepted at all. Meanwhile my whole family is on board and love him.
Why me? ...
My question is ..
"Do you think your sister and mom will really like me?"
The answer I always seem to get is yes they will ... they're certain types of people and "blah blah blah" and your marrying me, not them. That statement right there tells me the mother has no other option than to deal with me since you have feelings for me but other than that she must really think I'm a phony bitch and just doesn't like me. Now on the sisters other half .. I just feel like whatever grain of connection I had with her is all gone. Now I'm left with nothing ..
Why does this bother me? Because I want that relationship with the most important people in your lives .. When I marry you, I marry them too. I haven't met both of them, only one of them know about me so far and I just don't feel accepted at all. Meanwhile my whole family is on board and love him.
Why me? ...
In a relationship with "ghost boyfriend".
Why does something so simple have to be so difficult? Sometimes I take a guess and blame it on my past but must he really just react that way for something that's important to me? I don't know whether to be pissed off or just let it go like he says ...
I don't care if he doesn't follow me on instagram or twitter or tumblr or whatever really .. but facebook? What couple doesn't have each other on facebook? Like I take that as the biggest sign of something being wrong. I don't know exactly what it is .. but him just being 100% truthfully honest just keeps making me more doubtful and makes me more sad.
Like I just don't know how to honestly feel about it anymore ...
Don't mistake my blog post as throwing shade towards him.
This blog was created to express my inner thoughts where I wish to tell someone other than him and I literally have no one to talk to. Just me, myself, and I. Sometimes keeping all my thoughts in my head tend to eat me alive.
In the end apparently I'm in a relationship by myself on facebook and the boyfriend whom I so happy talk about on my page is a ghost and will forever be a ghost because he refuses to add me as a friend because he never goes on his page. Fucking perfect.
I don't care if he doesn't follow me on instagram or twitter or tumblr or whatever really .. but facebook? What couple doesn't have each other on facebook? Like I take that as the biggest sign of something being wrong. I don't know exactly what it is .. but him just being 100% truthfully honest just keeps making me more doubtful and makes me more sad.
Like I just don't know how to honestly feel about it anymore ...
Don't mistake my blog post as throwing shade towards him.
This blog was created to express my inner thoughts where I wish to tell someone other than him and I literally have no one to talk to. Just me, myself, and I. Sometimes keeping all my thoughts in my head tend to eat me alive.
In the end apparently I'm in a relationship by myself on facebook and the boyfriend whom I so happy talk about on my page is a ghost and will forever be a ghost because he refuses to add me as a friend because he never goes on his page. Fucking perfect.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Filled with tears ..
I don't know whether I'm depressed or just tired?
I'm starting a new chapter Monday finally but instead of relieving my stress I just seem to keep adding more and more unnecessary stress to myself. My question to myself is why? Everyone knows the logical phrase of "one step at a time" so why am I throwing hundreds of pounds into my mind? All because I can't take it anymore, just because I need you and once I have you I don't want to let you go another day without being by my side every night. Am I wrong? I've been waiting for so long .. it's only fair. But is it realistic? I just close my eyes and can just feel how close I am to finally being so happy in my life. The feeling is so beautiful I can't stand thinking that building our home and stabilizing ourselves can take up to another 4-5 years ... I just want a sense of security. I want to know that all this that I'm feeling is true and that soon enough we'll have it all figured out. I cry because I hope to one day to finally have a place I can call home and not fear of alcohol abuse, always arguing with my family, just so feeling unhappy. If it means living in a tiny apartment with regular jobs just enough for all of our bills ... in the end all I care about is him. It makes me cry so much because God is the only person in this universe who truly understands how I feel about Edgar. I'd give him my heart, my lungs, my kidneys, my liver, anything I have in this world I'd give to him. I can't even go to a baby section in a store seeing all those pregnant women .. I'd give anything to be in their shoes right now with him.
For a moment I pictured what May 2014 is going to look like for us ... I couldn't help but burst out crying. I think the moment I pick him up at the train station I'm going to run towards him and just cry in his arms. That moment is going to feel so surreal to me.
.......
All I want to do is just cry right now. I need to let it all out. Too much bottled up.
Tears don't make you weak, just shows how strong you've been holding it all in.
I'm starting a new chapter Monday finally but instead of relieving my stress I just seem to keep adding more and more unnecessary stress to myself. My question to myself is why? Everyone knows the logical phrase of "one step at a time" so why am I throwing hundreds of pounds into my mind? All because I can't take it anymore, just because I need you and once I have you I don't want to let you go another day without being by my side every night. Am I wrong? I've been waiting for so long .. it's only fair. But is it realistic? I just close my eyes and can just feel how close I am to finally being so happy in my life. The feeling is so beautiful I can't stand thinking that building our home and stabilizing ourselves can take up to another 4-5 years ... I just want a sense of security. I want to know that all this that I'm feeling is true and that soon enough we'll have it all figured out. I cry because I hope to one day to finally have a place I can call home and not fear of alcohol abuse, always arguing with my family, just so feeling unhappy. If it means living in a tiny apartment with regular jobs just enough for all of our bills ... in the end all I care about is him. It makes me cry so much because God is the only person in this universe who truly understands how I feel about Edgar. I'd give him my heart, my lungs, my kidneys, my liver, anything I have in this world I'd give to him. I can't even go to a baby section in a store seeing all those pregnant women .. I'd give anything to be in their shoes right now with him.
For a moment I pictured what May 2014 is going to look like for us ... I couldn't help but burst out crying. I think the moment I pick him up at the train station I'm going to run towards him and just cry in his arms. That moment is going to feel so surreal to me.
.......
All I want to do is just cry right now. I need to let it all out. Too much bottled up.
Tears don't make you weak, just shows how strong you've been holding it all in.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)