Filled with tears ..

I don't know whether I'm depressed or just tired?
I'm starting a new chapter Monday finally but instead of relieving my stress I just seem to keep adding more and more unnecessary stress to myself. My question to myself is why? Everyone knows the logical phrase of "one step at a time" so why am I throwing hundreds of pounds into my mind? All because I can't take it anymore, just because I need you and once I have you I don't want to let you go another day without being by my side every night. Am I wrong? I've been waiting for so long .. it's only fair. But is it realistic? I just close my eyes and can just feel how close I am to finally being so happy in my life. The feeling is so beautiful I can't stand thinking that building our home and stabilizing ourselves can take up to another 4-5 years ... I just want a sense of security. I want to know that all this that I'm feeling is true and that soon enough we'll have it all figured out. I cry because I hope to one day to finally have a place I can call home and not fear of alcohol abuse, always arguing with my family, just so feeling unhappy. If it means living in a tiny apartment with regular jobs just enough for all of our bills ... in the end all I care about is him. It makes me cry so much because God is the only person in this universe who truly understands how I feel about Edgar. I'd give him my heart, my lungs, my kidneys, my liver, anything I have in this world I'd give to him. I can't even go to a baby section in a store seeing all those pregnant women .. I'd give anything to be in their shoes right now with him.
For a moment I pictured what May 2014 is going to look like for us ... I couldn't help but burst out crying. I think the moment I pick him up at the train station I'm going to run towards him and just cry in his arms. That moment is going to feel so surreal to me.

.......

All I want to do is just cry right now. I need to let it all out. Too much bottled up.

Tears don't make you weak, just shows how strong you've been holding it all in.